What I am about to reproduce [I know it's long, so please bear with it!] is an 'almost verbatim' copy of one mail I had sent to the parasites email group. The story behind the mail is that Dinesh had called up Awais one winter day to find out whether he could catch the Ride bus to the Post Office. Awais convinced him there was no bus and made him walk all the way when there actually was a bus he could have hopped onto. Such an otherwise minor issue is, however, considered to be a serious breach of trust by the Parasites and hence it was decided to have a hearing to decide Awais' punishment. Everything below this para (in italics) is from the hyper-exaggerated mail I sent explaining to the group why we need to have a hearing against Awais. Ofcourse I was not present when Dinesh and Awais talked on the phone, so I just made up a blown-up fictional account of what might have happened! I totally enjoyed writing this. Hopefully you'll find it funny as well! Here goes the mail:)
Fellow Parasites,
Herein I have mentioned the circumstances leading to Parawais' hearing to take place during dinner. The defendant Parawais would be represented by Parasapien if present or Parawais himself, if Parasapien is absent. The prosecution Paravana will be represented by Paranoia. The proceedings will be presided by the paronorable Paraditya.
To all those of you who have not yet been witness to a Parasite Case of Justice, it is a must watch! The judgement is usually predecided before-on by the Parasident. At the end of the proceedings, the testimony is duly considered by the presiding parasite. If the evidence is in conjunction with the Parasident's judgement the matter is closed. If not, then all forms of evidence are strongly condemned and the pronouncement remains the same. This system has been borrowed from the great Saddam Hussain of Iraq.
Story behind the hearing:
It was a bitterly cold morning. For 22 year old (feels like 60) Paravana Thogulua, it was an especially cold and bleak morning....but the job had to be done, his OPT had to be posted today, kya pata kal ho na ho? Standing outside Kroger, he looked at the heavens above, probably begging for mercy. The Clouds above were obviously deaf or even if they were not, they were certainly not willing to listen to a near-frozen parasite. As if to mock his abject state, the snow thickened....Slowly, painfully Paravana took a hand out of his pocket and dialed the number of his 'trusted' friend, Parawais.
"Hey Parawais, is th-there a b-bus to get to the Green Road Post Office?", Paravana was now struggling to get the words out.
"No bus goes there", replied Parawais from the comfort and warmth of the sofa at his home. As always he was sure of himself.
"Are you s-sure?" asked Paravana. It was more of a statement made in disappointment than a question. For members of the Parasite group, Parawais' words were Gospel, "What's t-the w-way to g-get there?" By now Paravana's shivering had almost made way to an advanced form of St. Vitus' dance.
"You will have to walk, comrade", again the same voice, cold, sure, almost mechanical."You will have to walk along blahblah road to reach the Post Office. Don't worry its only 5 minutes."
Suddenly, Paravana cheered up. He had been trained, ruthlessly trained in the NCC in his undergrad. He had trained in temperatures of 40 degrees centigrade, hour after hour without breaking down. Here he needed to walk for 5 minutes only and the temperature was only 45 degrees less than what he was used to. In the cold of the morning, Paravana's chest suddenly swelled up as he steeled himself for the walk. "I'll make it", he told himself, "Its just five minutes, I'll make it".
Five minutes passed. The dull grey granite of the Post Office showed no signs of appearing. Five minutes passed to ten; ten to twenty. Slowly Paravana's hopes turned to disbelief. Could Parawais his trusted friend have lied to him? No, No that was impossible...O wrethched mind! that maketh a friend distrust a friend!...but yet.......
After a painful walk for 40 minutes, Paravana finally arrived at the Post Office, and what should he see there but O lord!....a ride bus no. 2 stop right opposite the Post Office!? Suddenly, Paravana's doubts turned to certainty, his love and respect for his friend into anger...he had been betrayed! betrayed by his own friend! O God! Let not the man of mind trust a friend again.
With tears burning down his cheeks, Paravana remembered all the nights he and Parawais had spent together talking balderdash...but what had to be done, had to be done ... such irresponsibility could not be pardoned. He decided to report the matter to his Parasident and leave it to his fine judgement to decide Parawais' chastisement.
Parasident
Ofcourse the only punishment it led to was that Awais paid the bill for the dinner! :) I agree the pronouncement was somewhat light compared to the ones meted out by the late great Saddam Hussain of Iraq but then I always was a benevolent Parasident :)
